i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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