Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
