I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
