Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
