RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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