I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
