Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
