I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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