Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
