Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
