Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
