Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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