sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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