Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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