i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
