you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
