zippers are such a cool invention
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
