everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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