he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
