I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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