Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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