he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i came on her dog
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
