guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
