He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
