she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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