I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
