Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
