How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
