There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We named our party play list daddy issues
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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