There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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