sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
