Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
