We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
