Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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