Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
