Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
