Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
