She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize