too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
