is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize