New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
