shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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