oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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