since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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