I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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