I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
