today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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