When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
