id be glad to
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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