Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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