I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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