I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
