I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
