My Higher Power is John Stamos
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
