oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
