I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
