I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
