BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
