I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
