my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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