You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
