pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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