bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
