Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
