I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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