I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize