Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
