We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
