he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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