Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your penis caused this!
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