Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
