he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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