i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
