I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
