i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
